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Day Two Juices: How did I not know about this delicious juice until this cleanse? I want to add vodka. Pears are high in fiber.

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Not all the chocolate and banana in the world can drown out that persistent carrot flavor. All the drowsiness from the first day is gone. And not hungry. Does it really only take a day for your body to adjust to such a dramatic shift in your diet?

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In bed, it takes me an hour to fall asleep. Dammit, too alert: All the fruit crack is keeping me up. Day Three Juices: Banana and pineapple go together surprisingly well. Cocoa Carrot. I could not have been more focused today. All the natural sugars in these juices have made me sharp as a thistle.

Day Four Juices: Pineapple Apple Ginger. The former adds sweetness, while the latter provides a hearty kick. Today was Saturday, my biggest cleanse hurdle yet: I stay in. Day Five Juices: Another take on pineapple and ginger mixed together. Seriously, this is a win-win combo.

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Salad in a Glass. It tastes exactly like it sounds. My stomach is flat, and my thighs are less plump. I can now take my clothes off without being marked by them.

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Besides, the most important variable is that I feel great. Day Six Juices: God, I love it. However, this nectar of the gods does have twenty-one grams of sugar in it. Otherwise, I would just drink this and only this. For the rest of my life. I want to try to use it to test pH levels of various things in my apartment. Insanity may be setting in. I attended an awards ceremony tonight for work.

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Against all my better judgment, I turned down the free food. The waitstaff presumed I was a vegetarian and kept bringing me plate after plate of vegetables. Day Seven Juices: Hotshot, Oops! Do you have a garden?

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